...myself in me

...so sad

2008-12-27T00:03:00.003+08:00

Telling people you love them is not an assurance at all that they will love you back. Or it’s just that, their way is not your way. It hurts, but sometimes, I hope people can read minds. So they will know how they will truly make me happy. So awful, even the closest people around me don’t even know how. So sad that it makes me feel like I am all alone in this world.

lately, I've been feeling....

2008-03-02T23:14:00.003+08:00

...worried, afraid, and a bit incomplete…

…worried about me, relationships, work…and life in general…worried that I am not being good enough and not doing that much that it makes me feel afraid that everything I have now will be lost in just a snap and that those people I love will soon leave me for being so…

...these feelings again!. yes, AGAIN!...these stupid feelings just keep coming back…for some reasons even me can't figure out why…It has been five years since I joined SFC, a community where we are constantly being reminded that we need not to worry coz’ God is always there for us…not to be so bothered coz’ He is manning our lives and directing it to where it should be…not to be afraid coz’ He will always be there to be our strength…five years and yet, here I am…still being haunted with these emotions…guilty for feeling so because I know that worrying is an insult to Him…Well, it’s not that I don’t trust Him…and it’s not that I am doubting His presence…I guess it is Him working on me as well…reminding me that I need Him more now...well, I do...
I will be needing no one but Him in this struggle...

“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever”

2008-01-26T17:03:00.000+08:00

What Christine Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Nine words women use...

2008-01-17T08:32:00.000+08:00

..found this from my inbox..just thought of re-posting it here...a public service for the men who will be reading this...hehe

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying _ _ _ _ yOu!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Every Love Story Is A Fairy Tale

2008-01-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

"Cinderella walked with one glass slipper
alone. Sleeping Beauty let a whole
lifetime pass. Belle fell in love with a
hideous beast. Pocahontas risked her
life for a feast. Jasmine could have had
anyone but instead chose a poor boy.
Ariel walked for the first time on land.
All for love.

It is all about facing your biggest
fears and not letting the moment pass
you by. Live your own fairy tale, create
your own ending."

That Missing Piece

2007-12-22T13:13:00.002+08:00

This came late. But better than not posting this at all..hehe

Last 1119, there was this bizarre feeling. I wasn’t that overwhelmingly happy but I wasn’t that dreadfully sad though. It was weird in fact. Later on, I realized why…there was this missing piece.

It is just amazing how a one special person can complete that puzzle of happiness we have wanted while others cannot no matter how much effort they do. ♥♥♥

...blessing called friends

2007-11-25T23:26:00.000+08:00

This one goes to my friends who made my birthday really special.

1.) Saturday, Nov 17- Pizza-Get-Together with the “Tropang VB”
The “VB group” (as to what VB stands for…well, only us knows…Mae said you can join if you want to...hehe), my new-found-friends from SFC East a Dance Min, prepared a Pizza get together for me and Raziel at B-loi’s house. Special thanks to Mae for her GC and for B-loi too for accommodating us. Thanks too to Cris and Jasper for being there to add some fun. All of you were so thoughtful. I really never imagined you guys will exert this effort for us, especially for me since that we have only known each other during the cheer dance competition. Mae could have just used the GC to treat her family instead and B-loi could have just chosen to sleep after a long day at work and get some rest instead. My most appreciated part was the “honoring” part, a tradition we do in the community every time we celebrate birthdays. It is pleasing to know that they appreciate me. He he.

2.) Sunday, November 18 - Household/ Chapter Gathering at my place
And, should I forget my chapter mates? Thanks to all of you who were present here last Sunday. The supposedly lower household for us sisters turned out to be a chapter gathering/birthday party for me. Let me begin by honoring the brothers first because, honestly, this time, I really appreciated them. Who would have thought that they will exert some effort to buy a present for me? Well, I mean, separately from the sisters because what they usually do before was just to share with whatever the group has for me. Thanks a lot bros! It was really nice, so nice that I really had this feeling that not you but someone from the girls bought it for you. Well, I later learned that it was Ryan’s GG who opted to choose it. No wonder, it was a good pick. He he! Thanks to her too. And, one more thing which I appreciated they did was that they were the ones who did the kitchen chores while the girls were in the living room watching TV and chatting. To mention, Kuya Nat and Wilson prepared the lettuce for the burgers, Wilson cooked the burger patties too, Ryan and Albert bought some drinks at a nearby store, Paul cooked the fries, and Anthony prepared the drinks, and, let us not forget Bok, the one in-charged with taste-testing and entertaining the sisters. Ha-ha! I can remember my sister telling Ate Deth, our chapter head, “spoiled pala ng mga boys ang mga girls sa chapter”. Ha ha! Are we really?
My sister friends might get jealous if I do not say anything about them. He he! Definitely, I honor them too. It was them who planned this. Girls are really the more creative ones when it comes to gimmicks and surprises. He he! They initiated the theme for the party where everyone was supposed to wear anything green because, as they all know, green is my favorite color. Well, some were “pasaway”, but majority came wearing green caps, shirt, slippers, etc., anything with a touch of color green. And, almost each of them had their surprises for me too. To all those sisters who came, Ate Deth, Ate Lannie, Klea, Ryzel, Johanna, Raziel, Izzie, Karla, Cathy, Matet, Rica…Thank you so much sister friends!

Just one of my blessings for this year…My blessings called friends…Thank you so much!!!

1119

2007-11-20T00:17:00.000+08:00

...call from T.A. at 12:30 am...woke up at 5:30 with some birthday text greetings in my phone inbox...had a warm bath...prepared to leave for work...left the house at 7...waited 30 minutes for the shuttle service to arrive...two-hour ride to Makati due to heavy traffic, as usual...took a walk from Paseo to FGU, since the car was until Paseo only (grrrr!!!)...finally reached my office...had my usual coffee since I did not have time to eat breakfast before leaving the house...started working until 12 noon...ordered some food for the team...went to Greenbelt to attend mass...went back to FGU...back to work again...a surprise from the team which, at first, I thought was a meeting...they gave me a gift (nice one!!)...back to work again...the food arrived at 6...so me and my teammates had our dinner after a while...then, it was work, work, and work until 10:30...my inbox was full...text greetings from friends and family kept coming all throughout the day...arrived home at 12 quarter...went on-line to check my mail...there were greetings from my friends too...while doing this, I had a chat with Nicky and T.A...

...so, this is how my 1119 went...though I feel something weird...this is surely a day to be thankful for!!!

lyrics

2007-11-17T00:49:00.000+08:00

How many times did I pray you'd find me

How many wishes on a star

So many times when my heart was broken

visions of you would keep me strong

It was you who first believed

In all that I was made to be

It was you looking in my eyes

You held my hand

And showed me life

And I've never been the same

Since you first believed

was alone on this journey

You came along to comfort me

Everything I want in life is right here

From this day on remember this:

That you're the only one that I adore

Can't we make this last forever

This can't be a dream cause it feels so good to me

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven

Your smile could heal a million souls

Your love completes my existence

You're the other half that mvakes me whole

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through through it all

Maybe I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you

Thank God I found you

I was lost without you

My every wish and every dream

Somehow became reality

When you brought the sunlight

Completed my whole life

I'm overwhelmed with graditude

'Cause baby I'm so thankful I found

Looking back

I guess it shows that we were destined

To shine over the rain to appreciate

The gift of what we have

And I'd go through it all over again

To be able to feelThis way

Believe in me I'm here to stay

I will love you Till they take my heart away

In your arms

I found a strength inside me

And in your eyes

there's a light to guide me

I would be lost without you

And all that

my heart could ever want has come true

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much...

update

2007-11-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

...what's up with me?

work - WORK- wOrK - WoRk

...even on holidays...waaahh!!!

...but I'm fine...I'm enjoying my new work...the new workplace- I like it really! ...my new officemates- they're nice too, thanks!...the learning process- challenging though...so I don't feel much pressure yet...at least for now...hehe!...wish me good luck!

some more finishing touches

2007-10-18T11:37:00.000+08:00

"It's all about the finishing touches today. Pay careful attention to grooming in the morning, and make sure you're stepping out the door dressed in the perfect look. Completion should be on your mind, including everything from major work projects to small personal tasks. Finish making those travel plans now -- before it's too late. There are new experiences waiting for you, but you won't have the time to explore them fully unless you clear off your plate. Make room for adventure!"

...reminder ba for me? hehe...madami pa daw ako kelangan ayusin before i finally start with my new job...haay!! been so busy these past few days...was out of the house everyday...naglalakad ng mga requirements...while at the same time doing some errands for ate... and sinisingit ko na rin ang pag ikot-ikot sa mall to look for some stuffs I could buy for myself and which I can use for my new work...in short, mga damit ang tinitignan ko..hehe!!...maarte ba?...kelangan talaga may bago...haha!!

"Wait too long to move forward with your plans and you'll miss out on a nice perk."

...so there, "completion should be on my mind" now...need to go and make sure everythings okay...

"thank you"

2007-10-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

I honestly do not appreciate the way our parish priest delivers his homily. I do not even like the way he preaches the Gospel and connect it to life’s reality. His sermon, as compared to other priests’, would usually be focused on himself and the way his parishioners react to his somewhat weird attitude. Sorry for this, but that’s what I can observe. Another thing, he is really sarcastic to the point that he is able to annoy people. But for once, this afternoon was a bit different. He was able to touch me. Or was it because I just felt guilty?

He was preaching about gratitude. He cited those people who can easily say thank you to their friends and acquaintances but finds it difficult to do the same to their families, specifically to their parents, and to other significant people in their lives. I began to reflect on what he said, am I one of them? Not really. Definitely, I know how to say thank you. I was just reminded about how old Mama is now. I began asking myself, how many times did I really thank her for having me? Or have I really said it? Certainly, in my own little ways, I did. But I do not exactly remember now when the last time I did something special to her was. And, this is what’s keeping me guilty. It has been more than seven years since I transferred here in Manila. And since then, we did not have much time together. And, since then too, I was not able do the things I usually do before to express my gratitude to her. I miss her. And, did I already mention? Ever since I was a child, we sleep together in one room sharing one same bed. I know it sounds funny, but truth is, it’s just now that I got the chance to stay in my own room. I miss those nights when I feel so secured having her sleeping beside me. I miss those days too when I do not have to worry about how our room would look like because I know she was there to fix it if in case it gets so messy. Hehe!! And, those days when I do not have to worry about anything because I know she was just around. I can’t wait to see her again.

Bottom line is this Sunday Mass not just reminded me about how important showing gratitude is. It made me realize how much I miss Ma. And, oh yes! I am guilty, for not being so vocal about what I really feel. Especially those “thank you” and “I love you” I feel for those people around me. But, believe me I am trying my best to be so. Well, to you who’s reading this, “Thank you”. Just in case I haven’t told you yet. Hehe!

...on my last day (part 2)

2007-10-12T12:36:00.000+08:00

...on my last day

2007-10-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

...the pretty AKA girls...me, noreen, honey, lara, ms. joanne, ms. therese...wala na sa pix si le-anne and sir ariel, and wala pa dito si ms. cora...my friends at work...thanks for the memories...mga sharings at kwentuhan habang office hours...haha!!...ang pansit kapag may birthdays ...ang pizza ni you know who...yoko sabihin ang name, d sya officemate e...hehe!!!...my first Chrstmas party when Ma'am Therese asked me to join that ballroom dancing thing...oks lng po, I enjoyed it...mami-miss ko yun!...branch meetings with free snacks na at least naiba after Sir Ariel na lagi KFC...ooops!! sana d mabasa ni Sir Ariel...outing sa Laguna...mga dinner with clients...which reminds me na malapit na ulit magpakain ang mga valued clients at ang binyag ng baby ni le-ann...paki-invite ako ha...i'm just a text away...haha!! nagpumilit talaga ako!!...sa trinoma memories...Gilligan's dinner...mga super busy days...OT times...updates...cleansing...haha!!!....serious naman tayo...thanks sa help...sa learnings...sa mga boss, thanks po for the guidance and training...also to ms. cora, though d iko na sya masyado nakasama, thanks din po...like what I said during my exit interview, "whatever happens...I owe a part of it to all of you.."

...i'm surely gonna miss you all...sana maging katulad nyo din ang mga mgiging officemates ko...mabait,super understanding,approachable, marunong mag-extend ng help kung kelangan...feel sad leaving the branch..but happy and looking forward to start a new beginning...good luck sa mga plans..good luck sa'tin...sabi nga, "...no goodbyes, see yah!!..."

it's destiny...it's a matter of fate...whatever!!!

2007-10-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

Is it fate? Or is it destiny?
Am I here because I was destined to be here? Or is it fate which brought me here?
Am I destined to get hurt over and over again? Worse, by the people I love? Am I really destined to carry other people’s burden? Directing my life towards the path which I think will be favorable for them? Well, partly, I am doing it for myself too, of course. I just feel like I’m so burdened, that’s all. For all of my life, I have been wondering why of all people, it has to be me? I believe all of us have our own share of life’s “heavy load”. Like what my officemate told me, “…kanya-kanyang pasanin lang yan…” It’s just that, I am kind of hoping mine wasn’t this heavy. What’s this all about, I won’t elaborate anymore. It’s a mixed emotion, mostly negative for now. I once received a text quote from a friend saying that destiny is a choice. If so, do you ever remember yourself telling those people around you when you were born that you wanted to be where you are now? So ironic, isn’t it?

rainy days got me thinking about this

2007-10-05T23:08:00.000+08:00

Because of the heavy rains these past few days, instead of wearing the usual leather shoes, I wear slippers going to the office. And, while I was looking at my feet, I noticed this round scar on my left foot. If I remember it right, I got this when I was about five or six years old when Papa was doing his daily gardening routine. I was a playful little girl then. I play with the soil, imitating what Papa was doing, and I was so curious about things. One time, I played with his hoe, a garden tool used for toiling the soil. I do not exactly remember what I did with it and what happened why I had this scar. All I can remember is that I cried a lot as I see the blood coming out from my wound. I can remember how worried Papa was because of what happened and how he and Mama scolded the girl, who was supposed to be looking after me, for not doing her job well.

Looking at my scar, I had this realization that in life, there are things in the past which cannot be removed anymore, scars which will be there forever. These may be the trials, traumatic experiences, dark moments, or whatever you may call it. Well, just like scars, it will be there forever, not unless if you had it removed through surgery anyway. It will be there but the pain you felt when you had it will not be remembered anymore. With these scars are the lessons we got from our being so playful and being so curious about things, like an innocent child not knowing what consequences we will have in trying to do things our way. And that as we go through life, there will be people, like my Papa and Mama, who will stand by you when you get wounded, when you stumble and fall. Most specially, there will be this one great God up there who will give you the strength you need to stand up again and move on with life.

So there, now I appreciate my scars. The next time I look at my feet, I mean my scars…hehe… I will remember this entry which I do not really know why I had this posted here...one more thing, I miss Papa...and the times I had when he was still here…

missing him :(

2007-09-22T01:01:00.000+08:00

...it has been almost three months since my GG left for Chicago...things are just not the same now without him...no movies and dinners with him...no phone calls and text messages from him...and obviously, I am always free on weekends now...unlike when he was here, expect that we will be out somewhere on weekends...may it be for service or just spending quality time together...gosh!! I really miss him na...and, everytime I feel this way dinadaan ko na lng sa mga songs...this one's for him too...

Beautiful Days

I see beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

You’ve touched my heart so deeply

And I can’t thank God enough

For all the beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

Everything is just so wonderful

Every little thing is just so beautiful

When I spend it with you

You came along In an unexpected time

It was so divine

Knowing you are mine

It feels so right

When I look into your eyes

I never knew that love

Could make me feel this way

I can’t wait for the day

When I can truly say

I see beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

You’ve touched my heart so deeply

And I can’t thank God enough

For all the beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

Everything is just so wonderful

Every little thing is just so beautiful

When I spend it with you with you

I felt fine

So right

I’ve sang so many songs in stages

With thousands of them watching me

But you’re here with me now

And I sing this song to you

To you, baby

Just for you

I see beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

You’ve touched my heart so deeply

And I can’t thank God enough

For all the beautiful days with you

I feel beautiful ways of loving you

Everything is just so wonderful

Every little thing is just so beautiful

When I spend it with you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ontcbD26owo

On my own

2007-09-19T19:31:00.000+08:00

I made it..well..I really did..hehe..I just hope I am doing the right thing...Let's see where this will take me...Whatever happens, I have Him with me...I know He is taking me where He wants me to be...I believe, everything happens for a reason...

A song for him

2007-09-01T14:34:00.000+08:00

"Feels Like Home"

Somethin' in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself

Makes me wanna lose myself in your arms

There's somethin' in your voice makes my heart beat fast

Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been

And how long I've been so alone

And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along

And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street

And a siren wails in the night

But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me

And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

...finally

2007-08-20T16:20:00.000+08:00

At last, I had the chance to start this one here. I have been wishing to have this blog thing really. Ask me why? Well, just wanted to have a place where I can put down my thoughts and be able to keep track of what is going on with me...Probably be a memory to look back someday...So, welcome to my world!